For those of you who are reading now, but haven’t read all of my posts (specifically my very first blog of the year), you probably don’t know why I started blogging in the first place. After praying and asking God how I could make a difference this year, He spoke to me and told me to start a blog and just share my life and my walk with Him. It’s cool to see the different things I feel Him tugging on my heart to write about. There are some things that happen or that I hear, and I think, “Oh! I want to blog about that!” and then it just never works out. And then there are times when I feel like God’s telling me to blog about the most random, irrelevant things ever. Funny thing is, His ideas usually have more successful results. Well, this is one of those times. I’m not going to lie to you…I haven’t had the best evening ever. It hasn’t really been bad, but it hasn’t been great either. In fact, at the moment, I’m broken, exhausted, upset, weak, confused, and weary. Have you ever had one of those days? It’s not for any particular reason. It just seems like life has got the best of you, and you just don’t know what to do. That’s kinda where I’m at tonight. I just drove home from church, and before I came in, I was sitting in my car praying and having some alone time. I just kept asking God, “What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?” But it was like I heard Him whisper, “There are people around you who feel the same way.” Immediately, I knew what He wanted me to do. Honestly, I wasn’t too excited. I mean, this is a little embarrassing to be so transparent with the whole world. But I’m not willing to question God, so here I am.
A few weeks ago, I had the incredible opportunity to see Kari Jobe at a women’s conference, and be led into worship by her and her band. It was one of the best worship services I’ve ever experienced. But there was one thing that really stuck out to me that I’ll never forget. In the middle of one of her songs, she stopped and began talking to us. She said that that same morning when she was finishing up her packing before she flew to Oklahoma, she had this overwhelming feeling of depression, and she had no clue why she felt that way. She knew she had no reason to be depressed, and that she should only be joyful because of all of the wonderful things God was doing in her life. But it was when she was leading worship that night that she realized why she felt that way. God spoke to her and told her that there were several women in the room who were struggling with depression, and he wanted her to know how they felt so that she could empathize with them and encourage them. I thought that was so incredible. It just showed me yet another example of how in control God really is. He plans out every detail in our life, and even though some things may seem crazy or make no sense, He knows exactly what He’s doing. Whether it be a few hours later or several years later, it is so exciting to see how one simple detail of our life played out to make a huge difference down the road. God is truly awesome.
I know a lot of things going on right now are kind of playing together to cause me to feel the way I do. The semester is coming to an end, and I am definitely overwhelmed and stressed with school. For the last several months I have had a horrible time sleeping at night, so I’m constantly tired. My mind never stops. It’s getting to a point where I get so frustrated because I can’t concentrate on a single thing because my mind wants to wander, or even worse, analyze everything to a ridiculous degree. I hate it. And to be totally transparent with you, I’ve been an emotional wreck for the last few weeks (with no idea why). But I’m fully relying on God. I know without a doubt that He is totally in control, and as long as I surrender my life to Him and allow Him to lead me, He won’t let me down. I’m choosing not to worry about any of my situations. I’m believing there is a reason for every feeling, thought, and emotion I have. There is a specific reason why I’m not sleeping at night. I may not know the answer until I get into heaven, but my faith is in God who knows the answer to every single question anyone could ever have.
I want to encourage you to take some time to spend with God and sincerely give complete control to Him. I know, it’s hard. Sometimes you feel like you can do a perfectly good job by yourself. But I promise, God can do way better. The best, actually. And who doesn’t want the best? When we surrender to God’s will, He blesses us beyond our imagination. He does things we could never do on our own. He helps us through even the worst of situations. It’s not His desire for us to hurt. He never intended for us to carry such heavy burdens. Matthew 11:30 says, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” When we give our lives to God, we get to lay our burdens down at the foot of the cross and carry them no more. That is so promising. So no matter what situation you’re dealing with right now or what feelings you’re feeling right now, give it to God. You can’t lose.
Psalm 42:11 “Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God. Soon I’ll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He is my God.”
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me all you who are weak and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”